Thursday, March 7, 2013
Cliche: "a New Start"
My family life has never been good, let's just say that. It's always been messed up and there's always been problems. Last November, something bad really happened to landed my baby brother, who is 4, in foster care. My mum, pregnant with her third child, was obviously a mess and has been ever since. I didn't live with my family; I lived in London, where I moved to from my home town Sheffield in 2009. I had a job, me and my boyfriend had our own studio flat, and I was.. I guess "happy" with my life. Even though I knew I needed to be at home with my family, I pushed away those thoughts and just got on with my life.
Problems at home in Sheffield got worse. My mum got more depressed and her baby stopped growing in the womb. I was very stressed with everything going on and it brought back a lot of horrible feelings and memories from my past. I lost my father 3 years ago, and I've never truly got over that, my childhood was messed up... I became angry and depressed. Everything I'd bottled up exploded, and I had a break down.
The morning after the mess that I had caused and the flat I had basically trashed from going crazy; my boyfriend consoled me. I told him that it was time... we had to move back to sheffield. We had thought about it for a while and discussed it many times but it never went further than just a thought. We both knew that's where we wanted to be, but like I said before, with our jobs and our flat... we were stuck there and I thought I had no way out, I thought moving back to Sheffield was a ridiculous idea.
This was almost 3 weeks ago. Everything happened very quickly. I quit my job the same day we made the decision, my boyfriend handed in his notice and (luckily) got details of transferring his job to Sheffield, we contacted our estate agent about putting our flat up for rent even though our contract wasn't up for another couple of months... it was crazy. Meanwhile, I kept going back and forward between Sheffield and London to see my mum, apply for jobs, go to interviews and help ollie pack, get things sorted. It was honestly the most stressful time in my life without a doubt.
We have been back for a few weeks and my boyfriend has his job transfer sorted and starts in the 18th. I've been both lucky and unlucky with jobs, but I think I have something lined up. We have been viewing flats and houses here and we have a good feeling about one we specifically liked.
I hope this is a new start for me. However this move doesn't mean that everything in my family life and all those problems have stopped... no. It is ongoing, and until the court dates in April; we don't know what will happen. But what happens is that me and my mum are back together now, she has me, I am here for her, and me and ollie are home. For good.
As you can imagine throughout the whole of this blogging is not something that seems important. It might be stupid of me to admit that it has been, though. I'm ashamed I let it slip and wasn't committed enough to blog and carry on with my blogger challenge through difficult times.
I hope to come back to blogging. With a clearer mind and a new start, it can only mean good things. I want to really commit this time, and I am in desperate need to find some good, close, new friends. Most of all blogging is a hobby for me and something I used to really enjoy, so it will be good to bring it back into my life.
I'm not really sure what to do about my blogger challenge: #promptchall. It is closed but I never got around to posting the voting when I disappeared. Now everyone has probably forgot about #promptchall. The lovely girls that participated probably are both angry and sad with me and assume they've wasted their time. But the girls that participated need credit, and although I failed them, they deserve more. Please let me know if I did post the voting, you would vote and participate; so eventually #promptchall wasn't a waste of time and there is a winner. They all deserve a little something for their efforts and commitments, but it would be sad to see no one voting for a winner if I did post the results. Let me know what you think!
It's probably going to take me a while to get back into blogging... and I have to make a decision whether or not I am going to open up and post more personal posts or keep it the same.
I hope you're all well!